Accepting your mistakes as an adult is not easy. As a busy mom, you always have numerous duties to handle at the same time. However, yelling, screaming, raising your voice or shouting at your children won’t really bring any positive results. When you panic your kid by yelling at him for his mistakes, the child’s total energy will get disconcerted in shielding himself instead of realizing his actual mistake.
We parents should teach optimistic discipline and manners to our children. At one fell swoop, it is very important that we discover and learn them too. When your children watch the way you handle your discontentment and anger in an optimistic manner, they get educated in the same way also. Just think of your kid’s emotional state when you yell or shout at them. He/she will certainly feel dishonored, embarrassed, and overwhelmed.
Top reasons for yelling or screaming at kids:
Mom’s yell at their children for quite a few reasons.
(a) Children never finish their work on their own
(b) Children don’t behave
(c) Children don’t follow your oral directions
And the list goes on….
So as to deal with these behavioral issues, instead of using your judgmental language, try to use a tricky language known as “descriptive or expressive language”. Basically, descriptive or expressive language incorporates certain words that possess ‘zero’ condemnatory affix that would please children instantly. This “expressive language” approach is an effective way that will help your children to resolve their problems on their own in a sensible way.
Ok, how to employ this expressive language strategy? Let’s take your child’s usual bedtime conflict as an exemplar. How to make her go to bed on time with the help of the expressive language? Instead of yelling at her, just look into her eyes and say, “Mommy thinks that it’s time for my bug bunny to snuggle in her bed with her teddy bear now. I guess my darling daughter would say OK without any whining”. Such delicate shift from yelling to emphasizing make things easier than you imagine.
Following are some of the proven approaches to abandon your “judgmental” language:
Approach 1: Talk softly:
Using a soft but firm voice will make a great impact on your child’s behavior. For instance, if it’s your child’s homework time, instead of forcing her to do her homework, go closer to your child, lean over and whisper softly and gently in her ears. “Honey, I think it’s time for you to start your homework. Switch off the TV and start with your homework ”. This intense, powerful and gentle whisper works more effectively than your usual yelling. Also use expressive words instead of judgmental words. When your voice is gentle and soft, the message you wish to convey will reach your kid powerfully and clearly.
Approach 2: Act according to your age:
Sorting your kid by his/her age is an extraordinary technique that provides you an instant viewpoint. Let’s say, your son unintentionally broke his little brother’s favorite flight toy. Instead of yelling at your son for his act, you can calmly question him like this: “Can you tell me your age? Are you a 2 yr old boy? I don’t think so! I think you can handle things more efficiently next time” This solid (soft) punch will cease you from escalating the situation. At the same time, such expressive language will educate you about the resilience and help you understand that your son is just a 4 yr old boy and you are 30 yrs old woman who can handle such situations sensibly. Give it a try!
Approach 3: Take Frequent breaks:
Not only kids struggle to change gears. Parents have the same problem too! Therefore, before attending to your kids’ needs, give yourself some rapid stress-buster’s. They help you to detect your inner sense of feeling, like, whether you are hungry, stressed out or perhaps feeling inexcusable as a result of an argument or debate with your husband that morning. Frequent breaks can be achieved in many ways. If you feel stressed out, take a warm shower. If you feel hungry, snack on a rich protein bar with assorted nuts. Overall, respond to your inner sense of emotions and feelings just few minutes a day. This frequent breaks will assist you to please your kids’ daily needs in a diplomatic and polite manner.
Approach 4: Pamper yourself:
The notion of using expressive language in the place of judgmental language is a wonderful idea. Let’s assume a situation where you happen to notice your daughter’s artwork with colorful markers all over the living room wall. Instead of getting hysterical, try to use calm, expressive language here. Look into your child’s eyes and say, “I notice a huge mess all over the living room wall. It really annoys me. Go ahead and clean this total mess.” In reality, expressive words cannot be used spontaneously. It doesn’t come naturally also. So, set up a chart called “Expressive language star chart”. Whenever you use expressive language to your children, put a star in the chart. If you receive seven stars in a week, pamper yourself with your favorite activity, such as, a spa or facial treatment, a day full of sensible shopping with a friend, a date movie with your hubby etc. These tiny pleasures let you stay on the track consistently.
So, Mom’s! Get ready to implement these powerful strategies to become a super mom!!