Persons whom we can rely most are our parents. We love them very much. A time comes, specially in our teen age, due to their controls and impositions, we start to hate them. But the feeling doesn’t last long. As we grow a mature adult, we realize that even now we love them a lot. But it’s a very socking fact that the parents for whom we are in an impression that they always think for our betterment, may be manipulative. When it appears that they only think of their own gains and benefits, irrespective of what the children are doing for their comfort and pleasure, it’s really socking. But now it’s too late.
Manipulative parents signs
Some parents may be controlling. Controlling parents obviously command their children and strictly make them to obey. But manipulative parent have dual thinking. They never command but twist their language in such a manner that children elicit their response while they keep them apart from the matter. Few signs to know manipulative parents:
- As we have seen earlier, they are not clear cut and twist their language in spite of demanding something or to command directly.
- They always try to exhibit their pain and grief, and want to show that they are victimized and are in a miserable condition. And their children are responsible for their condition. They like to remain the condition as it is and enjoy it. Because this draws the attention of their children and they will rush to rescue them. They enjoy looking sympathetic.
- They discourage their children’s attempt to achieve something. They discard it by saying it impossible for them.
- Evade from personal responsibilities, to avoid from being accused. Even evade from discussing the fact, so that the responsibilities can’t be proved.
Why they do so ?
This is the repercussion of what they have faced earlier. Their parent may be also manipulative. Thus it goes from generation to generation. Such parents are even jealous of their children. They can’t tolerate their achievements, enjoyments and disturbance free life. Because they couldn’t get all these when they were young. Though it sounds ridiculous but it’s true. This is because of their underlying demands, which can’t be fulfilled. These feelings lie in their subconscious mind. Though they don’t do all these consciously, but the result is obvious. And the conflict between two generations, spoil their relation.
If you are manipulative, how to overcome ?
As a parent, if you feel you are manipulative with your children, try to overcome from this situation with some useful tips:
- Be careful about your behavior. If you have been a victim of manipulative parents, aren’t you doing the same with your children ?
- To deal with, don’t let your relation to be spoiled. When you realize that your parents are victim of what they have suffered earlier, you try to change yourself rather than to change them.
- Though you have grown up in such an environment, may be you have a poor self esteem. So first of all develop your confidence.
- Say no strictly to their unreasonable demand. Convey them that you understand their tactics of blackmailing. And now onward you will not allow them to do so.
Everybody should respect their parents. But here you are not disrespecting them. This is like treatment of a patient. They are really sick. And you can’t spoil your mental peace and even life for their sake. If necessary consult a professional therapist.