Helping Your Child To Gain Independence
No matter how old a child becomes, parents tend to think that he is too young to go out in the big bad world on his own and requires their help all the time. This is not true, of course, and may lead to friction between the parents and child as he tries to make his mark in society and wants to do it his way. One has to live in the world full of competition, and only a person who is in habit of taking such decisions can prosper in life. Parents should facilitate this transition and help the child to be independent.
The first tentative step that a grown up or adult child wants to take in that direction would be to decide about the studies he is to pursue after normal schooling where he is mostly guided by the parents. After studies the next decision is to move out of the parents’ home and begin to live on his own. If parents are anxious, they can help choose the dwelling unit and see that it is in a safe locality and close to the work place and convenience store. The parents’ rules and regulations will not apply in the new home but if he has been brought up well, he will hold dear his parents’ value system.
Due to financial constraints, sometimes a grown up working child may not be able to move to his own dwelling. In that case parents can set a time limit as to how long he can continue to stay with them, may be till he gets a raise or gets another part time job. Till that happens a rent could be charged from the child. Another way out would be that, after discussion, it could be ascertained what part of household duties the child could assume, and which bill payment he could contribute to. This will bolster his self esteem. At a suitable time this accrued money could be used for the child’s need.
Some children are insensitive and bring undesirable friends home who may put on music loudly or generally create a nuisance at home. The parents are well within their rights to object to such a situation. It would be wise to define what would be acceptable if the child does not or cannot move out for what so ever reason. This will save unpleasantness later on.